Twenty years ago, I had to “let go” of some significant influences in my life. One was my grandmother who shuffled off her mortal coil on Feb 24, 2004, and the other was a personal relationship that I had immersed myself in for around six years. Both losses hurt deeply and had me question who I was. Seriously, by being immersed in work, a relationship, and my grandmother, I was not doing a good job defining, well, me. And it left me ill-prepared for a death and the end of a relationship all within five days of each other. After years of therapy though, I can now break it down into a few paragraphs.
Indian philosophy divides suffering into five components: ignorance, ego, attachment, aversion, and fear of death. Did I know this at that time? Certainly not. Do I understand it now? Most definitely.
Examining the five causes can give us insight into suffering and whether or not we have the wisdom and discernment to understand, recognize our worth, release unhealthy relationships, embrace new possibilities, and be present every day.
Do we choose to suffer? In a certain sense, yes, because it’s familiar and comfortable, and we are attached to it even though it mostly sucks. But if we hold onto our suffering, we tend to get stuck in a groove (samskara) and the same thing happens again and again. We then mistakenly interpret it as permanent. It takes a lot of willpower to break free of the cycle.
But there is one who is always watching and wants the best for us. It’s our true nature, our Big self, cosmic consciousness, enlightenment, Purusha, or whatever you choose to call it, and it is powerful. This is the self that has wisdom, discernment, and the capacity to recognize what is true. It is not ego-driven, ignorant, attached, averse, or fearful.
However, there is another side, the Little self. It is the ego or ahamkara side of our being which is more about the physical, cognitive, psychological, emotional, and sensorial aspects of reality (prakriti). This Little self is driven by fluctuations in the mind (gunas) and has little to no capacity for wisdom or intellectual faculty (Buddhi). It is defined by attachment to things, situations, people, and appearance and often has a level of underlying fear of change—death can show up as many things not just physically dying. The Little self is what gets caught in the samskara groove and gets stuck. It is why you keep doing a thing even though you get the same result. It will never change, and it shows up over and over until you change the pattern.
Releasing the “stuff” that does not serve you and having the capacity to determine what is and what is not necessary for your journey is a hard pill to swallow. As I said earlier, there is comfort in the familiar, and we have a very strong attachment to comfort and an aversion to discomfort.
Stepping out of your comfort zone is the sweet spot where the magic happens and suffering falls away. Whether it be in a yoga asana class, quitting a job to follow your dream, letting go of a relationship that is unhealthy, or saying goodbye to someone you love very deeply, it is a space for transformation. Nothing in life is ever fixed or certain, and by embracing this impermanence, we are given an appreciation of the present moment and an opportunity for gratitude.